dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
