I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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