I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
