I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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