Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize