I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
