need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
