Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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