ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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