I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
