On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
