We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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