Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
