I am puke
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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