You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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