Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
