Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
