i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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