First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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