he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
