My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
