And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
