god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
