I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What drink are we having for lunch?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
