If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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