i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
