i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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