I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
