i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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