i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
