He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize