my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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