You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
