the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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