Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pants are for mortals
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
