as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
