i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
