Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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