I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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