In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Found your dick twin last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
