I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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