Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
