im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
