I'm pants shitting drunk right now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
