so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize