we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
