Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
