Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I cherish every text you send me

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers

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(833): View more from

And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!

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(916): View more from California

I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!

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