I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
