I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
