You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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