who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize