Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
