I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
