I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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