FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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