1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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