I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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