just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
