I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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