Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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