is your mom at the bar?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
