i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
