I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
