so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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