When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize