when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
