Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
