Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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