my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is Oprah even human
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
