Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
