I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize