And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
