Tell her she can't have a vagina
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize