Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
