Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
