I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
even my farts smell like vagina
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
