I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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