So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
