you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
