my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
