Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
