I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
