At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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