Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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