I need to stop coming to work sober
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
