similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
