I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
they're like a gay fantastic four
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize