why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
