I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
