well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
