You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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