I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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