Sponge bath it is.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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