i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I will pee on everything he values.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
