Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
