Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
