the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize