Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
