Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
