Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
