A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
